I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
