I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
