if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
