fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
