remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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