Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
