Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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