based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
