apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
