my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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