i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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