I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
