my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
