Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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