Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
