I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
