I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
