hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
