I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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