so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
