My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
