my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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