when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
