My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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