just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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