I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My vagina just clenched in fear
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
