i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
