I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
