I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
