Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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