just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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