Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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