SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
someone owes me an orgasm
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
