Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
