he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
