I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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