I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
