I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
