it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
