why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
