Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
