I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
