Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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