and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
