I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found puke in my bra..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
sex in a hospital.. check
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
