porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
