When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
