I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
