no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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