Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
