Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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