He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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