i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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