matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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