Me too!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
